Why It's important To Prioritise Your Own Self-Care After Bereavement

Although I've helped lots of people in this unenviable situation over the years, the biggest lessons I learnt about the need for self-care was when I had to deal with my Dad's things after he passed away suddenly during Covid. His solicitor had been appointed as his executor which immediately took a load off my shoulders, for which I was very grateful. I worked closely with her and took on the responsibility of co-ordinating lots of arrangements and mundane administration or 'deathmin' as it is sometimes referred to. Due to travel restrictions and lock downs I also had to take on the task of clearing his home with the support of my husband. Despite having downsized several years earlier it was still a pretty gruelling task.

I got through it by realising that I had to look after myself as much as looking after Dad's affairs.

If you're at the stage of starting to clear your loved ones property, just take a moment to consider - how am I going to get through this ?

1. Acknowledge your emotions

Dealing with the loss of a loved one while handling their estate can trigger a whole range of emotions not just sadness but anger or frustration. Allow yourself to grieve and understand its perfectly normal to experience such mixed emotions during this time. Let's be honest - it's a crap thing to have to do. Try to take regular breaks, cry, shout, laugh (yes there will be humour even in the dark moments at a time like this - something will spark a memory of some hilarious event) and talk to someone you trust to help let the emotion out.

2. Prioritise your wellbeing

The whole process of clearing a property can be physically and mentally exhausting, so its essential you try to prioritise your own well being. Try to get enough sleep, eat as well as you can to nourish yourself and get some physical activity in - even if its just regular walks outside for 10 minutes every couple of hours. Do something that replenishes your emotional reserves and helps you relax, whether that be reading a book, baking or pursuing your hobby.

Establishing some health routines will give you the stamina and mental clarity needed for what is a massive task.

3. Seek Support

Remember you don't have to do this alone. Reach out to friends or family members or support groups who can provide comfort and guidance during this really challenging time. If you know you are really struggling consider seeking professional support from a grief counsellor or therapist who specialises in bereavement support.

4. Delegate and Seek Expert Assistance

Handling an estate can involve complex legal and financial matters. Seeking professional assistance and advise from your solicitor can help to alleviate any concerns you may have and they can guide you through any legal requirements, paperwork and tax related obligations.

Delegating certain tasks will enable you to focus on the emotional aspects of grieving and healing.

5. Set Boundaries

Managing someone's estate can involve numerous demands and expectations from family members and other beneficiaries. It helps to set clear boundaries regarding your availability and capacity to handle various responsibilities. You have your own life and responsibilities to manage too so it pays to be honest about realistic time scales to achieve jobs and communicate your own priorities, even if that's stating you're taking a break if things get too overwhelming.

Conclusion

Dealing with someone's estate after their passing is undoubtably challenging but prioritising your own self-care throughout the process is so important. It will help you navigate this difficult journey whilst also taking care of yourself. Remember, by looking after your own well-being you're also ensuring you have the strength to fulfil the responsibilities you've taken on for someone else.